2 thangz

1.matthew skiff does some baaadaaass cartoon-metal illustration. a small sampling of it is on flickr here

2.there are shitloads of top notch mixes here

check the plaid @ abstract science for some quality rainbowcore type shit.

and the martyn mix is good too.

oh, and the metro area stuff is also good if you like italo disco.

Silent Library

Why didn't we ever do this? I mean, seriously.

LOL @ 8:57...




The slapping machine is pure genius...

It's almost like you were there.

Last night John and I played at everyone's 3rd favorite bar in Winstoned. It was pretty fun. I got a little too hammered and ended up barfing evan williams all over my beard before putting on my tie for work today. the highlights are artfully "paintbrushed" in to the photos so you can enjoy the evening about the same way i did..... Here are some details not illustrated in the photos... Did a refused song (new noise) it slayed. Um... got my ass handed to me on the foosball table by John. Told Tiegan that i would never sandbag a game with her ever in a million years even if she was dying of cancer. uh... left for 20 minutes to get wasted in someones car whilst a dubstep internet radio station played behind a foam sign on the Dj booth that said "Bee right back" (with a picture of a bee on it)..... er...... closed out the night with a chopped and screwed version of Nico's "these days" and tried to pack up all of our equipment before it was over. all in all a total success.

MR.
LVR
LVR
AGL

we don't get very many sunny days in january

my camera died on me, so you'll have to excuse the phone cam graininess, but here are some more pictures from the same day as Paraglide Diptych.

i'm curious as to what organization is responsible for the certification mentioned in image number 2

Paraglide Diptych

book a flight tonight!

I'll tell the dude at the door to let any of yr underage girlfriends in.

Flashback: via Krunk KC Radio

yo dawg

I got nothing today. I think i'm going to lose my job, too, so if i could crash with any of y'all for a little while that would be great.

love
AGL

Odd Situation with a Bad Outcome

I just got off of work, got out of my car to grab my computer bag when I rubbed up against my car door getting out of the car. Nothing kinky, it was broad daylight and I am just clumsy. I got shocked pretty fucking bad considering no 110V outlets and keys were involved. The shitty part was the part of my body that rubbed up against my car door. It was my nipple, and I got shocked, through 2 shirts, on my nipple. It felt like having a titty twister on a nipple that had been irritated a shirt with emblem on the left breast area. It fucking hurt, and now is still kind of sore like 10 minutes later.

This is almost as odd as the day that over the course of 12 hours I got shat on twice by birds (different bird, hours apart, in different parts of town) and got a cigarette butt flicked on me out of a balcony window. This was in Spain though and lots of weird shit like that happened there to me.

Nipple is still sore.

A girls bathroom, a (fOX NUZ) screenshot, SMB3 and vision streetwear for dat ass.

Yr pal
AGL

PS. i did not just learn how to use a camera phone.
PPS. watch east bound and down. shit is funny.

MOVIE PITCH

Back in Asheville in the winter of 2002-03, I had what seems now like a lot of conversations with different, mostly funny, people.  Thanks to drugs and alcohol, these otherwise poignant moments of real human connection rapidly gelled into an idea for a bad movie, a mean-spirited comeback vehicle for the Alzheimer's-addled Danny Glover of the future. Now, by request, a synopsis:

On the mean streets of an unspecified gritty eastern seaboard metropolis (new York by default, I guess) a new street drug is turning its addicts into mummies. Not just desiccating them, but turning them into fully wrapped, Boris Karloff-style Curse-of-the-Mummies. The street slang for this drug is that it is called "Mummy," and its users are typical movie street-toughs: skaters, bikers, punks, and ethnic people. Post mummification, they are still identifiable as such:

The main character in the movie is the bubbleheaded-but-lovable fiancé of a mafia dude, who narrowly avoids trouble in life with the sage advice and timely antics of her trash-talking talking dachshund.

For that old-school "fantastical-and-evidently-for-children-but-totally-not-R-rated-comedy" feel, the dog's catchphrase is "Fuckballs!" and he likes to look at naked women. Dog-penis jokes would abound in a fleshed-out script for this.

Anyway, the aforementioned Mafia Dude is charged by his Mafia Superiors to transport a quantity of "Mummy" to some other Mafia People in Las Vegas, so he takes his aforementioned Fiancé along, in her car, under the cover of "getting married in vegas," a plot point designed to appeal to the morass of inane moviegoing jerks who might find that spontaneous and thrilling. Because only "that pesky weener dog!!" sees this man for the evil shit that he is, Mafia Dude tries to ditch him. But guess what's REALLY in one of those packages taped into the wheel well through some sort of mixup or hi-jink!!!!!! A foulmouthed dog with little sunglasses and maybe a little windbreaker!!!!

Only one man outside of the mafia suspects that Mafia Dude has an ulterior motive for this trip to Vegas, the special FBI agent who's been shadowing him for months, Danny Glover!
Danny Glover drives a beat-up-but-cool 70's sedan full of guns.

After the dog ditches Mafia Dude in a classic Truck Stop Altercation and drives away with sleeping Fiancé, the Mafia is informed, and a madcap cross-country chase ensues, involving the dog and girl in the car full of secret drugs, Danny Glover, Mafia Dude in an increasingly improbable assortment of stolen vehicles, and carloads of mummies yelling and shooting guns.

One scene would involve the dog barreling down a hill in a shopping cart, pursued by mummies on skateboards. Just before the shopping cart jumps over an construction site, but the mummies collide with each other in mid-air and all land in wet cement, the dog yells "Fuckballs!!!"

Eventually, everything ends well somehow, so that the dog is able to wink directly into the camera just as the Huey Lewis song that will play during the credits starts up.

As I said, this exercise in talking-an-imaginary-movie-to-death was, at heart, pretty mean-spirited, and this is the reason: it was presumed that by the time I could have this thing going, script-and-$$$-wise, Danny Glover would work for cheap anyway, having long since become elderly and lost his brain to Alzheimer's disease. Poor Danny Glover. Jesus christ why would I pick on such a cool guy? OK, here's why. The during-the-credits-blooper-reel is all Danny Glover forgetting what's going on and doing stuff wrong, or becoming agitated and angry. Pretty brutal in itself, but

 picture this, lost and crying in a grocery store. I still kind of think that would be funny.

I am such a nerd.

I'm pretty sure that Ian and I are going to hold each other tight while we go to see this. I think Pixar is involved, which means this movie will probably give me a year-long special effects boner. 'The Matrix', you say? Matrix-schmatrix!



Oh, and sorry about the shitty quality. I take what I can get.

asheville: ghey or not ghey?

i can't tell anymore. it's been about 4 years since i was in asheville. it seems like asheville takes cool stuff and makes it gay, but then again, at least the cool stuff makes its way there. you don't see this type of thing anywhere else in north cakalak:




the only name i've heard on there is eliot lipp and he's purty good.

i'm sure this guy will be there, too:

Can someone explain what is going on here?

I am in the process of doing my monthly myspace checks and updates, when I see a photo tagged with discount plastic surgery at the old 219 residence. This was not the night that I broke all that shit was it? It kinda of looks like it could be. Sorry Jason, I had to post it cause it is early ass in the morning and I am on a magic carpet ride.

Top Ten Bangers

my top ten bangers since last top ten bangers post-

helen's theme- phillip glass
mvp- big L
hate it or luv it- 50
just dont give a fuck- mnm
drop it like it's hot- snoop
hustler music- lil wayne
Dvorak's 9th Symphony (from the new world)
stanky leg (they started droppin it on KC Krunk Radio)
acrid avid jam shred- aphex
burning airlines give you so much more- eno

I'm gonna punch the next person I see doing this:

quit my job

Left CD Baby. Amongst a few other things, going to work for Relapse.

cold cut ham

this shit is tight:

Flashback: via Krunk KC Radio

Yo, grab that girl that was dumb enough to go to homecoming with you, hit the dance floor and sway like some unskilled white teenage kids from the suburbs. Livin in a hateful world . . .

Banner Contest

There is now a banner contest open for the broken fader review title jam up at the top. Me and Andrew will decide a winner, so email us both. Maybe take a week or two and send us shit. we might do a rotating one or something. I don't know. and sorry Andrew I didn't tell you but I am sure you are down.

The right man for the job.

My friend Adam is running for President of the United States of America in 2016. I hope he can count on your support. I don't know much about his values or anything but it would be nice to have someone with a better sense of physical comedy in the oval office. YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT HIS YOUTUBE PROFILE. It's really good. I'm writing a speech for him about "Misconceptions" that is mostly about a girl with a crash bandicoot whole back tattoo. It's a tragic story I'll tell all of you later.


politically yrs
AGL

PS... the back of this card says "Let me do your politics..." Fucking classic.

muted

for the last two days I haven't talked much at all because of an extremely rawed-out throat, and needless to say, this means I have new YouTube channels for peoples to check out. If you didn't like my "those chicks are hot but wtf is he laughing at here" posts last time (Gray) you might give these a shot.

rhcomics - A dude, with those glasses, living in Queens, who hates a lotta shit and likes to tell people about it. Supposedly his entire video series is about "revenge". Occasionally he needs to get the fuck over himself but otherwise he's an amusing misanthrope. Occasionally he does funny cartoons as well, but it's obvious he tries to animate as little as possible.

AgentXPQ - A dude, with that hair, living in New York, who has a lot of problems with his girlfriend and other normal things, and likes to draw while telling people about it. Supposedly his entire video series is about "mere existence". Occasionally he needs to stop being such an introvert but otherwise he's a good observational humorist. His cartoons are usually pretty good if they're not funny.

thewinekone - This guy's all over the place, but one common thread running through many of his videos is his ability to take it to that one notch past "embarrassingly, inappropriately disgusting" to "I feel like a grandma now". A good (albeit long) summary is 100 things to do before I die (which doesn't turn out as motivational self-help book as it sounds).

If anyone besides me is using Logic, there's a good series by SFLogicNinja on random things. Most of the topics are not excessively esoteric, but a few are pretty cool little "I didn't know Logic could do that, or never though to look" things. Unlike some people who volunteer instructional videos on YouTube, he's not a total douchebag, either.

With my hardly-usable vocal chords, I tried going through a meeting at work today without talking, and instead using the OS X text-to-speech shit to say all my lines. I should let you know this was AWESOME. I barely had to say shit, and what I did say had to be necessarily simple, as the software can't get too fancy with the pronunciations (I discovered I cannot use words I usually use to approximate spoken speech like "gunna" instead of "going to" for this reason). It was the best office meeting evar, out of at least 9000 meetings we've had in the last 6 months.

After all the dustup with Anthony's deleted article I went back and listened to some of the Artificial Intelligence albums again, and I'd forgotten how much I actually liked a good deal of that B12 joint. Am I alone there?

DONKITTY DONK

So, that donk post a while ago... it's funny, vice mags blog had back to back donk references the other day. Nothing earth shattering, just a weird coincidence....
Here's one. OOOh, and Here's another.... this one was posted only minutes later.


donkedly yours
agl


ps. donkey punch.

I can't believe this hasn't been posted yet...

And you thought my vocabulary was off the chain:

SUGAR HIGH GANG LIVE...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This blog is nice and all, but there's just something missing.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but maybe this will help:

http://bacolicio.us/http://brokenfaderreview.blogspot.com/

Big L RIP

Pay respects, break out your DITC records. All two of you in Portland, come to the crib. Shines is coming deep out of his crates with some rare ish. Food, mimosas, more strains of weed than you need.

FlashBack: Via Krunk KC Radio

I am going to do a series on this blog dedicated to songs from our pasts that I hear driving around listening to krunk KC radio. This is going to be that K-billy's Super Sounds of the 70's weekend, but only it is our 1970's, and it is only shit I hear on 103 Jamz and 95.7 the Vibe, and I will probably only post it like once a month cause people are strung out on some T-Pain and B-on-say.

This episode-

Arrested Development - Tennessee

Coalesce - OX

Follow Tastebreaker for more info - Coalesce OX review.

14 prayers - 36 minutes. All original members but the drummer, meaning the original guitarist is back.

Best Coalesce album yet - really no filler. There's shit on here that blows my mind, and there are more departures. You still get all the classic Coalesce ish you want. They've perfected the instrumentals/interludes/noise/sample use, and while they've eased up on the breakdowns the songwriting is their best.

Also not to be missed:

Agoraphobic Nosebleed - Agorapocalypse

Same thing...hands down their best record. 13 curses - 28 minutes, making the tracks opuses for Agoraphobic. Sounds like a more electronic, more punk Pig Destroyer. Hateful.

death and the donk

the donk post really killed the party around here.

DONK

had to post to get that cockshtika off the screen.

i mean, don't get me wrong, i am a phallic representation aficionado, but that one was fucked up! congratulations gray, you win the dregs-of-the-internet award. i'll hit you up with some bbw oily butt squirt in a bucket pictures sometime.

so on to this evening's target of my fascination: donk.

i thought a "donk" was a big booty (from the root "donkey" as in "donkey butt"), as is exemplified in soulja boy's "she got a donk":



there are thousands of these!

but then i found out "donk" is a sub-genre of...happy hardcore/grime? i dunno. i think in this case, "donk" refers to the detuned stabby bass line sequenced with special polka flair. this video sort of explains it:



but a donk is also a variation on the lowrider...usually a ridiculously jacked up chevy caprice on 40 inch rims. check it (and check the weird youtube cycling back into youtube style);





if anyone finds another definition of "donk", let me know.

Brutal Truth is back..


gya.

No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger: Being an Ancient Tale Found in a Jug and Freely Translated from the Jug

based on a story by Mark Twain

ZBOY ZSHARE

FNBGS---FNBGS---FNBGS---mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*JOHN*JOHN*JOHN*JOHN*JOHN*JOHN*(live)*(live)*(live)*(live)*(live)*dubstepper*dubstepper*dubstepper*dubstepper*feb11/09*feb11/09*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*mp3*

FNBGS "LIVE FROM BARSTOOL 2009" XCLUSIVE

John and I had a sort of impromptu set last night at ER in Winston Salem.... We jammed, they drank, we played some records and some fooseball and eerrebody had a good time... HERE IS A LINK TO THE FILE MY LAPTOP RECORDED WHILE WE WERE PLAYING. There is a lot of talking and other bar noises and the sound is total shit, but i think that just adds to the charm......

Donkey Punchin' These Munchkins

Update... Two or three nights ago I was looking around for information about the movie Donkey Punch, pretty much to glibly clown a movie I had never even seen. I did this in the spirit of fun and baseless shit talking (the cornerstone of blogging). The problem, as is usually the case with the internetting, was that the longer I looked into that abyss of movie blurbs, the more intrigued I got. Before my attention turned into genuine curiosity I copied and pasted a few zingy quotes here and there and moved on to other things. Over the next day or two I didn't think of Donkey Punch once. Really.

Last night I was looking for something to watch while I passed out. I was tired from playing a show and was pretty stoned in bed when I browsed over to my favorite streaming movie site. Selecting a movie is pretty automatic and unconcsious. I browse the "new releases" and if nothing catches my eye I click a random letter heading of the alphebetized title database. I hit the "D"s and as I scrolled down, there it was. I couldn't resist the temptation to click the "Donkey Punch" icon and the next thing I knew i was watching the title credits roll to the tune of that knife song I'm so sick of.

*******spoiler alert*************************

Most of you seem to be opposed to this film (yeah, i said it, film) for some reason or other, so it shouldn't bother you if i spoil some of the surprises in this nail-biting-no-holds-barred-adrenaline-packed-thrillride.... If you intend on watching the movie, click the link i provided, chill for an hour or so while the movie magic takes place on your screen and then, by all means, read on.

CLICK HERE FOR A GOOD 'OLE FASHIONED FAMILY FUN


The movie begins with three women on vacation by water. One of the girls, the "prudish" one, is getting over a shattered relationship and reluctantly joins her two slut friends for an afternoon of hedonistic escapism. They find themselves at a club where 3 euro-playboys win their attention by 'nicking' a bottle of champagne from another table for them to share. BY THE TIME THE CREDITS ARE OVER they are on the beach with these guys drinking bub, (I believe it's Veuve Clicquot, which this site descibes as a "perfect example of harmony between delicacy and power." Another fun fact... most champagne estates are owned and maitained by widows, VC being no exception. It's not uncommon to toast "The widow Veuve Clicquot" from time to time.) As they're smoking weed on the beach the champagne runs out the moment comes when they look to one another as if to say "where to now?" Then one of them asks... "where to now?". "Well, we could always go to my yacht....." one of the playboys says. This line always works.

It is discovered that the yacht doesn't actually belong to those stuntin' ass scrubs, but to some conveniently absent millionaire that had hired them as crew. They take it out so sea in order to get laid (dog will hunt) thereby entering the danger zone. One of the four semen is a cockney badboy with an Ipod dj console, huge designer sunglasses and a 'fuck-all' 'tude. Essentially that means ecstasy pills for everyone and some special Russian ice which they smoke out of a glass chillum (backlit by the setting sun, no less) while the honeyed tones of progressive house music drones in the background.

High on the back of the boat they have that 3rd grade conversation we all had when sex was mysterious and terrifying. The raver dude, unsurprisingly, asks "Have you ever heard of a ____________?" (i forgot what the term was, but the long and short of it is you get shat on during sex and it gets ground on to yr belly by the shitter's bum.. ewwwww. ) In order to relieve the tension following that remark and to endear herself to their new nautical friends one of the girls (the donky punchee, actually) quips back; "Have you ever heard of a dirty sanchez?" Not to be outdone, the cockney raver bad boy tells them about the fabled ninja sex move the movie is named after. One other crewman, the little brother (donkey puncher) trys to front like he'd done it before, but cockney raver (later killed by "little brother") calls him out on it. It's embarrassing there for a minute but all of the sudden, the E takes hold and it's FUKIN ORGY TIME!

Here's the break down. The girl with the broken heart (Only survivor) and the "responsible" dude (acting skipper aboard later killed by an outboard motor WHILE INSIDE THE BOAT) stay topside and have tender conversation whilst two of the girls and the other three dudes all go below decks to get it on. The street-smart brunette (who kills herself after accidentally motoring the skipper's face off) and a random dude (later flared to death UNDERWATER) are going at it on one side of the room. The raver, who's fucking the blond, beckons to lil' bro (heretofore manning the video camera and touching himself off to the side) to come over and "break off a piece". While he's taking her from behind the raver guy is videotaping them (key plot device, the blackmail tape)saying "you know what to do, right mate?" and sure enough, CRACK. It kind of reminds me of that movie "very bad things".
Chaos breaks loose and a bloodbath ensues.

There are a few highlights in this otherwise pretty average movie. The raver guy is dying with this huge knife sticking out of his chest and to ease the pain does all this K out of the palm of his hand.. kinda like Scarface meets old timey whiskey anesthesia.... Um... the girls also look great. Let's see..... uh.... I'm sure the soundtrack is listenable at best...it's on Warp records, after all....

whatever.


yr man in wnstn
AGL

Seriously fucking scary

The guy at Cockeyed, besides laying claim to one of the Internet's highest ranking sites on the (fugly design times pagerank) scale, has completely terrorized my ass with this. On the other hand, if you're ever living out of a box, it's refreshing to know you can still get a credit card. Yay.

Click around. There's another great series of articles on that "Cash4Gold" shit. Yeah, of course it was real hard to tell that shit was shady. But just how shady is another story. Long story short, his article on their scammy underselling of people's gold had such a high ranking on Google that the company offered to pay him to "de-emphasize" their brand name on his site so nothing revealing their scheisty business practices would appear to Grandmas the Oonternet over looking for quick cash 4 dey goldz.

floating

has anyone ever been to a sensory deprivation tank? i went with some classmates this weekend to a place on the north side of town where you float in 10 inches of hyper salinated water, so you're way more buoyant than normal=effortless floating. it takes a while to adjust to not having any sensory input but then your brain starts doing really weird shit to fill in all the places where the neurons aren't getting any information. i felt sort of asleep, but totally awake at the same time. when the attendant knocked on the door to let me know the time was up it really twisted my sense of time and space. you've got in little earplugs and your ears are submergd so the sound was like being inside of a submarine running trough a turnstile. give it a whirl...i think my first verbal reaction was "man that shit is trippy."
also, the attendant was telling us about going to see Emperor a few weeks ago and how it ripped.

overrated

So Shepard Fairey got arrested down the street from where I work the other day. I guess he felt like he was too legitimized by the whole Obama thing and he had to tag some buildings or something despite the fact he is a grown-ass man. Anyway, I didn't get to see it. Otherwise I would have taken a picture of it. Then I would trace it in Photoshop, and then I would be an ARTIST.

OBJECT

It was going to happen eventually.

Rock out.


EDIT: They're really not kidding. Non-facetious instructions on how to build it here. Well, mostly non-facetious, in that it actually tells you how to build it and is not just a series of dick jokes.

Also, in relation to my last post, people continue to come up with compelling evidence that lots of public domain content is a Very Good Thing. I want Mr. Darcy to get buggered by a half-gnawed severed leg. Also, they're making a TV thing (miniseries, movie of the week, who fucking knows) out of that book in Australia.

Top Ten list anyone?

In no particular order:

1. Afu Ra - "Trilogy of Terror"
2. The Dillinger Escape Plan - "Panasonic Youth"
3. Digital - "Rockers" (don't even bother with this unless you have decent subs)
4. Gang Starr - "Above The Clouds"
5. Ed Rush & Optical - "Vendetta"
6. Ed Rush & Optical - "Slipthru"
7. Coldcut - "More Beats & Pieces" (been flipping out over this one since I was 17)
8. Dune - "Robot Rock"
9. Stars of the Lid - "Don't Bother They're Here"
10. Autechre - "Drane"

What are your picks as of late?

I've been raving since i was 8. (Re: acid house)

So it's 1988. I am 8 years old and already clubbing my face off. and then i got aids.

acid house

i never really got how acid house was related to its spawn of later eras. warp did that "classics" series, and i thought it just sounded like the music that came out of a skee-ball machine at chuck-e-cheese. has anyone heard autechre's first known dj set?
i can't find it anymore, but it is embarrasing. i found a picture of them from 1987:

Random things I like and hate

If you don't check out Ars Technica on a semi-regular basis (i.e. when bored and not drunk enough to sling your dick around in a circle until the neighbors start yelling shit at you, or while taking a shit), you cannot call yourself a nerd.
This week their article on Invincible Motherfucking Obama possibly cowtowing to the media ownership oligarchy caught my eye, especially as they referenced Eldred v. Ashcroft. I've told Brian and Gray this before, but if you haven't read Free Culture by Lawrence Lessig, go read it now.

Last year I got so pissed off about this kind of shit I babbled for about a page and a half about it. Don't worry, they gave me benzodiazepines and this:

and I quickly gave up those silly blog things.

Woops, medication time. While I'm doing that, YouTube channels you should check out, if you're not familiar yet:
communitychannel (the exact kind of quirky self-deprecating comedic thing that has been terribly erased by the explosion of whiny parochial vlogs)
spricket24 (hit and miss, but the hits are pretty good)
Fred (Fred requires no introduction)
KasperHauserComedy (consistently hilarious - the SkyMaul series is pretty good. Especially the iPod Shredder.)
horseheadbusinessman (also hit and miss, but occasional moments of brilliance)

and there's always poykpac, giving you many lessons by which to live your life:

You ain't my bitch nigga, buy your own damn fries!

Barack Obama is tired of your motherfucking shit.

Apparently I sidestepped God's attempt to fuck with me

You know that feeling, the one you get where you think the world / God / Jeff / gluinos are conspiring to make you feel like Lewis Black must feel when he emits one of those near-stroke "bluhbleduhbluhblihfuck" verbal diarrhea explosions?

I think the above being a real poster for a real shitty movie proves that this feeling is not insanity or paranoia, but in fact a metaphysical realization that you are totally fucked.

Actually, now that I see how many times I dropped the f-bomb above, I realize that I didn't sidestep it at all. FUCK.

On the bright side, it seems (from reading the MPAA data on IMDB) that there is an actual donkey punch in the movie, so at least it's not *entirely* one of those movies named like "Robots Buttrape Pirate Zombies With Flaming Medieval Lances", but the plot is about a teenage girl coming to terms with the fact that her best friend may not like her quite as much as she thinks, plus she kissed that guy that she likes in the hall while she was TOTALLY watching them. And she knew it too.